tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50730112011-06-11T18:15:25.671-05:002bfreewhat the title says!Kristinanoreply@blogger.comBlogger941100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1130025641976655582005-10-22T18:41:00.000-05:002005-10-22T19:00:41.983-05:00Last Saturday I felt great. The green shorts I had bought a month prior were even baggier than they were when I bought them. That always makes for a good day. Sad, I know but at least I am aware!Later that day Bob and I went to Target. I was scrolling through the shoe aisles when I saw a young woman (ok, so she was about my age) sitting on the floor trying on shoes. Now SHE was tiny. Immediately Kristinanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1129320502236399982005-10-14T14:31:00.000-05:002005-10-14T15:08:22.243-05:00Sometimes when I look at myself I can see how thin I am. Having said that I wonder if anybody reading this will think, 'where the hell does she get the idea that she is thin?'. However, most of the time I see someone relatively slender with elephant legs and flabby arms. Even if that is true, I still don't know why it matters. My therapist thinks it is linked to something that happened in my Kristinanoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1126895350118404362005-09-16T13:29:00.000-05:002005-09-16T13:29:10.123-05:00It seems when ever things are going great –my health is improving, I am free of pain or discomfort for several consecutive days or even weeks, I feel confident at work, I feel good about my body, etc.- something happens to set me back slightly. Maybe it’s because I pray less, read the bible less, and feel totally disconnected from God when things are going ‘good’. Maybe it’s his way of holding onKristinanoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1118097829572646332005-06-06T17:38:00.000-05:002005-06-06T17:43:49.580-05:00Work is awesome! I'm busy, I love what I do, I like the people I work with, and my supervisor actually knows how to supervise. It's a pleasant change. I also found out this morning that the permanent position is still in the budget which is comforting.I normally share an office with another programmer - Lee - but he is on vacation this week. It's nice to have the office all to myself. I told BertKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1117653625009442612005-06-01T14:16:00.000-05:002005-06-01T14:20:25.013-05:00My little baby boy - Mojo - is afraid of thunderstorms! No wait, he is TERRIFIED of thunderstorms. I raised a big whuss! Last night we woke up around 2:30 AM due to Mojo frantically pacing back and forth and panting heavily. He then jumped on the bed, snuggled up against Bob, then me, then he placed himself on top of me, back off the bed, sitting next to me ON the bed with his big ole face over Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1117416999159640162005-05-29T20:26:00.000-05:002005-05-29T20:41:38.003-05:00I hate PMS! I finally realized that's what all my emotional crap was about. The insanity with my thighs, the loneliness, the backaches, low energy, water retention, and abdominal distention. I hate it all and I am so fucking tired of it.Besides all the physical changes, I just get so depressed and gloomy. I try to tell myself that it's just PMS, that it's just water retention, and I pray, but I Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1116774757790070132005-05-22T10:07:00.000-05:002005-05-22T10:19:02.896-05:00SolitudeI took Bob to the airport this morning. I knew I would miss him while he is gone but at the same time I was looking forward to staying home more, not going out to eat, and maybe using my new sewing machine. After I got back from the airport I went back to sleep. When I woke up I had some tea in bed, read, and watched TV. Now I am wandering around the house almost feeling lonely. I miss Bob Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1116615726917596732005-05-20T13:27:00.000-05:002005-05-20T21:08:05.246-05:00the insanity of eating disordersI have been roughly the same size most of my adult life. At one point, not sure exactly when or why, I started measuring my thighs. My guess is that it happened when I realized that weight doesn't mean all that much because of the difference in muscle and fat.Shortly after Bob and I got married I remembered that my thighs measured roughly 54 cm (21.26 inches). If you are not familiar with the Kristinanoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1112097080424311012005-03-29T05:44:00.000-06:002005-03-29T05:51:20.426-06:00more good stuff!I got the results of my latest food allergy and intolerance test yesterday. The total number of intolerances has dropped from 24 to 16, but actually more than 8 dropped off and some new ones showed up. But overall that means my gut is healing and I can eat so much more food again. I can eat mustard, brussels sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower, chicken, cabbage and more. I was so excited yesterday I Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1111884837962866082005-03-26T18:40:00.000-06:002005-03-26T18:53:57.966-06:00good stuff!Friday two weeks ago I got a call from a guy named Sean. He obviously knew me well and while I recognized his voice, I just couldn't figure out how I knew him. I pretended I did though asking him how he had been, yadda, yadda, yadda. Then he said, "Are you by any chance still interested in an Oracle programming position with the City of Austin?" and then it clicked. It was my old co-worker from 5Kristinanoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1110334489001676232005-03-08T19:48:00.000-06:002005-03-08T20:24:23.020-06:00random thoughtsA few months ago I took a break from reading Strong Women, Soft Hearts. Two weeks ago I was telling Bob that for the first time I accepted that my health might not impove. That things might stay the way they are and that I am ok with it. Not in the sense of giving up. I will continue to do what ever I can do get better, but I am more calm about it.Yesterday I felt like I needed to start reading Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1110243097260273992005-03-07T18:47:00.000-06:002005-03-07T18:51:37.260-06:00Jury DutyI had to go in for jury duty selection today. It was a civil case between a man and a woman, both representing themselves. I ws not selected. I was actually kind of disappointed because I wanted to know why they were there!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1110148074645512682005-03-06T16:07:00.000-06:002005-03-06T17:08:25.860-06:00JoyMost days I just want the day to go by, especially when I am at work. There are few things I look forward to like date night with Bob every Friday, Thursday evenings because our favorite shows are on, and weekends for the most part. It's so hard for me to find joy in the present moment because I just want "all this" to be over. I want to be in a job that I love and enjoy going to every morning. Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1109140433807630022005-02-23T00:22:00.000-06:002005-02-23T00:33:53.810-06:00TheophosticI had a Theophostic Prayer session with my therapist last night. It was hard. I cried - not sure why other than I feel I am at the end. This is like a recurring nightmare. Sypmtoms I have not had in a long time are back, new symptoms are appearing, eating produces physical discomfort by the end of the day, and it's an effort to get out of bed each day. The breakthrough I had hoped for last nightKristinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1108933845121349462005-02-20T14:57:00.000-06:002005-03-06T19:10:37.886-06:00How Ironic!I read Kristen's blog (02.16.2005). So here I am. I just read my last post. Ironically I feel about the same today. The job I was talking about getting came through - and it sucks! This feels like a never-ending viscious cycle.I love God and I want nothing more than to know him more intimately. We are reading "Blue Like Jazz". I was reading chapter four to Bob on our way back from Houston Kristinanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1081360586540056622004-04-07T12:56:00.000-05:002005-03-06T19:10:58.770-06:00Day 14 of MiseryI want to cry. Monday I broke down and I did. I called my friend Patty and let it all out. It felt good. Some days I just don't know how to continue. Part of me wants to throw in the towel, eat what ever I want, and at least have fun food if I am going to feel miserable anyhow. But I know if I give up in just one area, I will give up completely.Today is one of those days I wish I could have just Kristinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1080332743797395732004-03-26T14:25:00.000-06:002005-03-06T19:11:24.340-06:00Jumping ShipAnother one of our programmers handed in his resignation today. His last day is April 8th. That leaves Sheila (Cobol), myself, and Tony, a contractor. I thought it would be funny, ok interesting, if I were to get and accept a job offer today and hand in my resignation as well. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking. As much as I have been praying about resentment, the company's success, etc., I Kristinanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-108032092038401702004-03-26T11:08:00.000-06:002004-03-26T11:12:05.983-06:00So I feel worse this morning. I still think it's a good thing - just not too happy about it. The brain fog is back as is the fatigue, the lower back aches, and most of all the depression. This sucks. I used to think that the depression was a result of the physical symptoms, but have come to realize that depression is just one of the symptoms of candidiasis.
I wonder how many people out there Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1080258599690188202004-03-25T17:49:00.000-06:002004-03-25T17:53:23.716-06:00I was told that I should blog again. So here I am.
The anti-parasite program is going well - I think. We're still taking our pills despite several bouts of nausea from the quantity of potency of the pills. Who knows anymore.
The 'fast' went great as well. Actually, I am amazed at how easy it was and plan on doing another one (minus the colonics) in about 3 or 4 months from now. I think the Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1079047164657698562004-03-11T17:19:00.000-06:002004-03-11T17:22:30.653-06:00I thought once I had the hysterectomy everything would be ok. I assumed that all my little problems were linked to the hormonal imbalance and once I am down to one healthy ovary, everything else would be resolved as well. It didn't quite work out that way.
For a while I was feeling better and although I tested positive for antinuclear antibodies, there is no sign of any autoimmune diseases. Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1063314318094556992003-09-11T16:05:00.000-05:002003-09-11T16:05:18.100-05:00Welcome back, Shannon.
Glad you are home safe.
Missed ya!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1062796754671732572003-09-05T16:19:00.000-05:002003-09-05T16:20:18.610-05:00I found out about this yesterday.
I am hoping to find a similar program in Austin so I can volunteer some time.
It would be so cool to do some volunteer work and get to hang out with horses again.
When I was a teenager my dad got a horse for me.
We lived in DeSoto, TX at the time.
Being able to go to the backyard, saddle up, and go for a horseback ride was the BEST.
I miss it.
One day I would Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1062796429702250882003-09-05T16:13:00.000-05:002003-09-05T16:13:49.706-05:00On a totally different subject - I really want one of these.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1062795747629054472003-09-05T16:02:00.000-05:002003-09-05T16:07:18.383-05:00It is so awesome to feel GOOD.
With every day that I am free of pain and that I have energy, I realize just how miserable I was feeling before the hyst.
I feel blessed to be alive and once again look forward to each new day.
Yesterday I got up around 5:45 AM, went jogging/walking, did Pilates and went to work.
Got home around 6:30 PM, had dinner with Bob, and prepared my lunch for the next day.
Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061909727726732862003-08-26T09:55:00.000-05:002003-08-26T09:55:27.570-05:00I was thinking this morning how great my recovery is going.
Dr. Yohe prescribed Darvocet for post-surgery pain.
I took 1/2 Darvocet one night while we were in Florida - that's it.
She said I would be walking up to a mile by the time I see her for my 4-week post-op.
I was walking 2 miles (and passing the little old ladies on the track :) ).
Initially Dr. Yohe said absolutely no exercise except Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061854063368999822003-08-25T18:27:00.000-05:002003-08-25T18:27:43.333-05:00It appears that I do not have lupus - or any other autoimmune disease for that matter.
The doctor's office faxed the lab results today.
They tested several disease, all of which I don't know the name for.
By doing some internet searches I gathered that 'Anti-DNA' determines whether you have lupus or not.
It would have been nice if the doctor could have confirmed this, but they did not find it Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061730470789767522003-08-24T08:07:00.000-05:002003-08-24T08:07:50.780-05:00I just read that 1 in 1,000 women who get a hysterectomy die, and 10% need a blood transfusion.
Obviously neither one happened to me.
I feel so blessed.
And my right ovary is working.
I'll spare you the details of how I know!
My recovery is still moving along nicely.
Aside from a lower back ache when I do too much I feel pretty good.
I have an abundance of energy, something I have not had in Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061393842458717342003-08-20T10:37:00.000-05:002003-08-20T10:37:22.383-05:00Bob and I did our devotion this morning and then read today's My Utmost for His Highest. What really stood out to me was this:
"A child of God never prays to be made aware of the fact that God answers prayer, because he is so restfully certain that God always answers prayer. "
I love that. It's this childlike faith that I don't see in many adults. I had it when I first became a Christian a Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061381158055264002003-08-20T07:05:00.000-05:002003-08-20T07:05:58.046-05:00I went to see a doctor last week because I was/am still losing A LOT of hair and my skin is incredibly dry. Assuming my thyroid was off I was surprised when he said I might have an autoimmune disease. Blood tests indicated that indeed my body is (supposedly) making antibodies against itself - referred to as ANA or antinuclear antibodies. Practically while walking out the door the good doctor thenKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1061256845483782102003-08-18T20:34:00.000-05:002003-08-18T20:35:40.773-05:00I had my 4-week post op doctor's appointment today. It's hard to believe that it's been that long since my surgery already. Doc said everything looks great and I'm allowed to go play - as Bob's Mom put it. I am allowed to swim again, I can start riding a stationary bike instead of just walking AND I can start lifting weights as long as I am seated. I am SO excited because I thought I would have Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1059139746041505802003-07-25T08:29:00.000-05:002003-07-25T08:29:05.980-05:00I am home.
When they took me to the pre-op area and I had to leave Bob I was afraid of never seeing him again. I cried. Once I got in the pre-op room my nurse came to talk to me and she was awesome. I started praying for Bob and that God would comfort him. When the doctor arrived (I did not get to see her) my nurse gave me a little cocktail in my IV and they wheeled me to the OP. I vaguely Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1058470335951875082003-07-17T14:32:00.000-05:002003-07-17T17:02:20.826-05:00kristen, joshua, and mary judah stayed with us last night. Had a chance to finally hang out with Kristen for a while and talk about 'girl' stuff and more. It's so refreshing to talk to a woman who is not afraid to use all the 'words' for the various female body parts.
Also got to hold beautiful little Judah. Didn't want to ask Kristen last time we were in Dallas. I always have this 'fear' that Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1058211215622825422003-07-14T14:33:00.000-05:002003-07-14T14:33:35.533-05:00Had a rough weekend but am feeling better today. Not good, but better. Thank you, God. Yesterday I was feeling so bad I wasn't sure how I would make it through another week of working.
Eight days and a wake-up. Just found out surgery is scheduled for 7:15 AM and we have to be at the hospital at 6 AM. How perfect is that??!! I know I will be wide awake by 4 AM the latest so that's just enough Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1057704279583127842003-07-08T17:44:00.000-05:002003-07-08T17:44:39.453-05:00I thought the pain was gone but around 4PM today it started again. It's not bad enough (IMO) to take more pain killers so I am sitting here at work with horrible cramps. Every time another one hits me I feel nauseous and I get cold. I hate this. I can't wait to have this surgery and I am afraid to have this surgery. Continuing to live like this is not an option, but there are so many unknowns Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1057604895797718382003-07-07T14:08:00.000-05:002003-07-07T14:08:15.766-05:00Days to surgery: 15 and a wake-up!
I am trying to understand the whole prayer thing. People ask me to pray for them specifically so I do. I ask people to pray for me specifically and I know they do as well. But does it really make a difference what I am asking for if it’s not God’s will? The Bible tells me if several people agree with me and pray with me then our prayer will be answered. I know Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-1057071369011292722003-07-01T09:56:00.000-05:002003-07-01T09:56:08.836-05:0021 days to surgery!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-959850482003-06-24T11:18:00.000-05:002003-06-24T11:18:00.080-05:00Four weeks from today I might be out of surgery already. I can't stop thinking about it and everything I need to get done before then, too. Something I thought I would never say - I am actually looking forward to surgery. Every day I am feeling worse now. The pain that was intermittent is now constant. The nausea that had gotten better, is now back on a daily basis. My lower back aches every day,Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-959571342003-06-23T15:13:00.000-05:002003-06-23T15:13:52.106-05:00I feel more and more confident that the decision to have the surgery is God's will. So far I have had tons of positive feedback and wonderful support from other women who have gone through this. My surgery date was actually moved up to 7/22/03 and my supervisor told me not to worry about work and just take care of myself. I was worried she would not let me go in July because she is out the first Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-958722212003-06-20T14:12:00.000-05:002003-06-20T14:12:01.056-05:00I have not been able to do any reasonable amount of work today. All I can suddenly think about is the impending surgery and more so, the fact that I will never be able to have children. Since Bob and I have no desire to have children right now, nor do we know if we ever will, this is hitting me harder than I expected. I know that we can adopt and I think that would be a wonderful thing, but it Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-958396002003-06-19T15:43:00.000-05:002003-06-19T15:44:29.000-05:00Surgery is scheduled for July 29th @ Round Rock Medical Center on Hwy 620. I figure I can do my best to stick to the nutritional approach I was attempting and if I start to feel better I can cancel the surgery. If not, I won't have prolonged the agony. It was the first available date my doctor had.
Please keep me in your prayers.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-958373962003-06-19T14:24:00.000-05:002003-06-19T14:24:26.910-05:00I just called my doc to schedule a hysterectomy. I feel relieved. I feel scared. I feel sad.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-956365772003-06-13T12:53:00.000-05:002003-06-13T12:53:28.873-05:00Mom, if you're reading this - I love and miss you. I hope Bob and I will be able to visit in August and that you will fly back with us for a vacation here.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-956365522003-06-13T12:52:00.000-05:002003-06-13T12:52:48.430-05:00I just realized I have been blogging about my hormones. Oh well!!!
So I am feeling pretty good today. The pain is not completely gone, but it's bareable (sp?). I can't wait to be completely free of pain and fatigue again. It's been so long I don't even know what that feels like anymore.
Last night I was talking to a friend from the church where Bob was before we planted Catalyst. We gave each Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-956066222003-06-12T17:12:00.000-05:002003-06-12T17:27:35.000-05:00Finally some good news!!!
I talked to Jack (nutritionist) today about the results of my hormone test. My estrogen was normal, which was surprising, and my progesterone was low. The latter is even more suprising. In addition, both my testosterone and DHEA were WAY too high. So what does all this mean?
The progesterone/estrogen imbalance has the same results as estrogen abundance and therefore Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-953824832003-06-06T14:27:00.000-05:002003-06-06T14:33:21.000-05:00I feel so miserable today. Some of my general pain has been reduced and the changes Jack suggested so far have helped, but my hormonal issues are still horrible. Every month the pain gets worse. Two months ago ½ a vicodin with 2 ibuproven completely got rid of the pain. Last month it took longer for them to completely get rid of the pain. And this month the pain simply subsides. A woman from the Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-946927992003-05-21T11:42:00.000-05:002003-06-12T17:09:16.000-05:00So I really messed up yesterday - kinda. I tried to stick to the non-carb foods but I had dairy which I am allergic to and not supposed to have even if I wasn't allergic to it. Today I am paying the consequences, phsycially and mentally. It is still hard for me to just honor my hunger, eat what ever I want and then NOT feel bad about it and NOT worry about gaining weight, etc. I wonder if those Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-946445052003-05-20T13:21:00.000-05:002003-05-21T11:30:56.000-05:00Struggling with the whole food thing today. I want so much to do what I am supposed to do to get better but it is hard. My diet is to consist of protein, veggies, and fat. That's it. How do I do that when everybody around me is having Starbucks, bread, cookies, ice cream, fruit, etc. And I am so hungry today. I hate this.
OK, enough whining. I will do better tomorrow. Guess it's just another oneKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-946443502003-05-20T13:17:00.000-05:002003-05-20T13:17:57.136-05:00Apparently this is me:
You are Wolverine! A loner by nature, you feel uncomfortable when around those you don't know and even those you do. You are awkward when it comes to relationships, but fiercely loyal to those you love.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-944737722003-05-16T17:41:00.000-05:002003-05-16T17:41:44.006-05:00PRAISE GOD!!! No pain or other discomfort since yesterday morning. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since I have had a good day and just when I thought I couldn't go on, things change. God is awesome.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-940071052003-05-08T14:28:00.000-05:002003-05-08T14:28:36.120-05:00I can't believe I am going to be 37 soon. That's so close to 40!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-939439682003-05-07T14:23:00.000-05:002003-05-07T14:23:29.950-05:00Yesterday I asked the girls on the ED board to list five things they are grateful for. I normally do this every week on Mondays and I call it 'Motivational Monday'. Cheesy, I know. Anyway, only two women have responded so far but both listed God and one of them said this:
"I am grateful for God and the belief that there is someone out there who is watching out over all of us...and someone who Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-939436132003-05-07T14:16:00.000-05:002003-05-07T14:18:22.000-05:00I am still pondering what lessons God might want me to learn from all this. Or maybe what lessons he wants both me and Bob to learn. Why would he allow me to continue to feel miserable (or other people for that matter) when He has the power to heal? It couldn't be simply so we can minister to others struggling with the same or similiar issues, could it??!! Is there a greater lesson in all this Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-939432852003-05-07T14:09:00.000-05:002003-05-07T14:09:55.686-05:00"Please remember that if God has plans to greatly use you in the lives of others, you can expect your trials to be even greater than those of others. That the goal of life is to find joy in the refiners fire. It sucks. It sucks BIG time. I am right with you there. In fact, the pain is so intense that it seems worth it to jump out of it..."
I just read this on Anita's blog. It is exactly what hasKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-937267422003-05-03T20:10:00.000-05:002003-05-03T20:10:32.440-05:00So we're driving down the road today running errands. I was looking for ACE bandages. We had found some similar ones at Target but they weren't ACE and we thought those were the wrong ones. We decide to get them at Walgreens and as we drive up Bob says, "I'm about to pee my pants. You go get the bandages and I'll go to the bathroom". I agreed yet when we walked in he followed me over to the Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-936203402003-05-01T17:29:00.000-05:002003-05-01T17:29:26.760-05:00Still in pain, hurting quite a bit actually. Everyday when I go to bed I hope that my back ache will be gone the next day yet when I wake up it is still there. Not to mention the headaches, the leg pain, and on and on. But I am in SUCH good spirits plus I have been relatively busy at work. To top it off, it's work that requires me to actually think and concentrate. God is amazing!
Today I am Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-934899842003-04-29T16:38:00.000-05:002003-04-29T16:38:12.610-05:00Most of you are probably aware that Bob and I have separate bathrooms. This has been discussed in ‘ECN circles’ during a cultural assessment. Those of you who don’t know us all that well might wonder why. It is not because we want space or I don’t like his stuff on my countertop, but because we are unwilling to go to the bathroom in front of each other. When we got married, one of our vows said Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-932043232003-04-24T17:38:00.000-05:002003-04-24T17:38:26.510-05:00Every day I feel like I NEED to blog but can't seem to come up with anything to blog about. The biggest thing going on in our lives right now, or at least in mine, seems to be my health. It's not good. I am not happy. And I am tired of negative blogs. So I was trying to think of some positive things that have come out of my health issues and lessons God may want me to learn.
God has brought a Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-929474652003-04-20T16:56:00.000-05:002003-04-20T16:56:39.436-05:00We're back!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-922965272003-04-09T10:48:00.000-05:002003-04-09T10:49:29.000-05:00I am touched and amazed at Bob's patience. Last night we went to the mall after work and I was so tired. All I wanted to do was go home and rest. This is happening more frequently here lately and I have feelings of guilt because I am not 'the perfect wife'. Yet he never complains, he never gets upset, he's always there for me and goes out of his way to do extra things around the house so I don't Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-922333712003-04-08T12:40:00.000-05:002003-04-08T12:40:43.640-05:00I just read Bob's latest blog - yes, he blogged again!!!
Just this morning I was thinking how hard it must be for him to deal with me. Not because I am a bad person but because of the pain I have been experiencing. Sometimes it affects my moods and sometimes it doesn't. Some days I can do normal stuff and some days I don't have the energy to do anything. Being Bob must feel like being on a Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-921565212003-04-07T11:15:00.000-05:002003-04-07T11:16:48.000-05:00It seems that several people in our circle are currently struggling with physical issues. Please pray for Anita's Daughter who seems to be struggling with severe pain right now.
It breaks my heart that a young girl would think that her physical pain is a direct punishment from God. Yet I question myself why prayer heals some and some it doesn’t. I question why I have physical pain roughly 2/3 ofKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920401192003-04-05T08:20:00.000-06:002003-04-05T08:20:57.233-06:00I finally got around to adding a link to a site of some very cool friends - Kristin and Josh. Cool friends, cool site - check it out on the left.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920391962003-04-05T07:50:00.000-06:002003-04-07T10:19:45.000-05:00I am listening to tapes called 'Living the Abiding Life' by Michael Wells. They have been incredibly helpful in my quest to find my identity and some of the other struggles I am facing. One story Michaeal Wells, a counselor, shared was of a man who came to him for severe depression. The first thing he asked him is whether he had given up his right to be healthy. The man looked at him in shock andKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920069602003-04-04T15:59:00.000-06:002003-04-04T16:01:39.000-06:00I feel so good today it's amazing. The last 3 days I have been struggling with pretty bad back aches again and other unpleasant symptoms. There are times when I can just ignore it and enjoy my day anyhow and other times it's just all too overwhelming. I am trying to take it one day at a time, but since there has been a pattern (of pain) over the last year that re-occurs every month around the Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920060672003-04-04T15:41:00.000-06:002003-04-04T15:41:37.390-06:00Hmmmm! I thought I could figure out how to add a picture but I obviously messed it up!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920059732003-04-04T15:39:00.000-06:002003-04-04T15:39:37.640-06:00My job is continuously getting worse and with the decline of my responsibilities I am noticing a decline in my motivation and my self-worth. I have not learned anything new, accomplished anything significant, or worked on anything challenging in the past year. It is starting to worry my. As long as I have this job that's fine, but with recent changes of consolidating systems with the company thatKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-920059072003-04-04T15:38:00.000-06:002003-04-04T15:38:18.560-06:00Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-918373062003-04-02T05:41:00.000-06:002003-04-02T05:41:35.810-06:00God is so awesome!!!Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-917027902003-03-31T05:56:00.000-06:002003-03-31T05:56:26.450-06:00wabiSABI is over and it was awesome. I met so many wonderful people this weekend and thanks to Shannon was able to spend some time alone at the house just with God. It was good. I wish I would have felt better this weekend so I could have truly enjoyed everything that was going on.
Kristin and Josh stayed with us and it was nice to get to chat with them a little more. I wish we could have spent Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-915423552003-03-28T06:43:00.000-06:002003-03-28T06:43:59.733-06:00Things Bob has said in his sleep recently:
"Most men don't like women dressed like slutty hores" (this was a few weeks ago and immediately after saying it he woke up and busted out laughing).
"Look Honey. Look at the freakin' window!" (this was about 3 days ago - he did not wake up after this one).
Things Bob has DONE in his sleep in the past:
On our honeymoon while at a hotel in Florida, I Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-913417292003-03-25T06:46:00.000-06:002003-03-25T08:03:02.000-06:00Corporate America needs to have meetings like we had at Shannon's house last night. Great people, great food, lots of fun, and we still go things resolved. I left the meeting feeling good. When I leave meetings at my office I feel drained, frustrated, or angry. There is something wrong with that.
So apparently last night after my comment about 'being Bob's wife' some got the impression that I Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-908749512003-03-17T14:49:00.000-06:002003-03-17T14:49:29.373-06:00I just saw a woman in business suit, heels and pantyhouse and I was thinking to myself, 'I wish I dressed/looked like that'. I have no idea where that came from. That is SO not me and actually we have a really, really strict dress code at our office which I strongly dislike. The list seems endless and includes things such as belts must be worn when wearing pants with belt loops, all shirts must Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-907859382003-03-15T20:45:00.000-06:002003-03-15T20:45:19.746-06:00It's been a busy but good day. Got lots done and finally got my cell phone working again. It's amazing how depended you become on them - or maybe it's how used to get to them.
Hung out with Shannon and Jessica last night. We talked over dinner, went to see a movie, then came back to my house to chat some more. It was really good to get to know both of them better and I had a great time. We saw 'Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-907333502003-03-14T16:22:00.000-06:002003-03-14T16:22:35.543-06:00Still feeling better and loving it. Had to come to work early today so I get to leave in a few minutes which is cool. Spending time with Shannon and Jessica tonight which I am really looking forward to. We're having dinner at........CHUY'S where else.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-906601122003-03-13T12:48:00.000-06:002003-03-13T12:48:06.623-06:00I think I finally have some clarity on what God is trying to tell me at least in some areas of my life. I find it difficult to trust in what I am hearing and often fear that I am making decisions based on what *I* think. But today I felt very calm about certain decisions and also more hopeful about this whole endometriosis and food allergy thing.
Something I am ponering is if the food allergies Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-906594902003-03-13T12:37:00.000-06:002003-03-13T12:37:53.170-06:00Back to feeling better! And today is a 'free' day. I am at a TOAD User Group meeting all day long. For those of you who think this is some nerdy computer thing....
...you are absolutely correct. It's fun for me tho and a day away from the office. Another bonus is getting out @ 4:00 PM versus 6:00 PM so I will have more time with Bob. Since he will be in Houston this weekend we are going to have Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-906066332003-03-12T14:46:00.000-06:002003-03-12T14:46:05.810-06:00I started feeling worse again yesterday afternoon but I didn't let it get to me or my mood. Had a good evening getting together with and getting to know another couple. This morning I was feeling just as crappy as last night and it made me angry. I wish I could just accept what is going on with my body and deal with it without letting it upset me but I guess I am not there yet. Most of the time IKristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-905337072003-03-11T12:13:00.000-06:002003-03-11T12:13:24.000-06:00I have been feeling so much better and it's awesome. This weekend I am by myself again and Friday I am going to meet with two wonderful women for a 'girl's' night out. I realized this morning it's been roughly a year since I have had one of those. That is WAY too long and I am looking forward to it.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-905333692003-03-11T12:06:00.000-06:002003-03-11T12:06:16.450-06:00Went to a wabiSABI meeting last night. I wish my meetings at work were that much fun. Great stuff, great people and great food. Looking forward to the next one...and wabiSABI.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-904828432003-03-10T16:42:00.000-06:002003-03-10T16:42:59.763-06:00I can't believe it's been almost a week since I Iast blogged. Life gets busy. Although, I spent this weekend by myself taking care of the doggies. It was nice, quiet, relaxing, yet I missed the love of my life. Had some time to just sit and read for a change which was awesome.
I am not getting any further with my little 'church'. All I have right now is the group of women online and that gets Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-901322032003-03-04T15:05:00.000-06:002003-03-04T15:05:13.123-06:00"Married by America". That's what I watched last night but not intentionally. It was airing when I turned on the TV and despite being outraged by this show, I could not turn it off. So, the purpose of this show is to INCREASE the divorce rate in America???Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-900453362003-03-03T06:00:00.000-06:002003-03-03T06:00:35.920-06:00Worship was awesome last night. It's so wonderful to feel God's presence and to feel him working on my heart.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-900187462003-03-02T17:37:00.000-06:002003-03-02T17:37:47.686-06:00I don't know what's worse, the actual physical pain or the emotional pain because I am in physical pain. More so, the fact that I am 'doing this' to my wonderful husband. I feel bad that I always feel bad. Sounds like a viscious cycle. I just want to be fun, outgoing, and 'not tired' again but it seems I never have more than 3 or 4 good days before it gets worse again. A fellow sufferer said Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-898958572003-02-28T05:38:00.000-06:002003-02-28T05:39:10.000-06:00More on Mojo...he just sat on the couch - with his butt only. His front paws are still on the floor and he is staring at his tail??? I wish I had a camera.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-898957232003-02-28T05:34:00.000-06:002003-02-28T05:36:55.000-06:00I am finally feeling like myself again. For a while there Bob and I thought I was going insane...no kidding. Hormone replacement therapy does crrrrraaaaazy things to your mind (or at least mine!!!)
::: ::: ::: :::
Mojo and Pepper. Our 'babies'. While I love them both, I have to admit I feel way more attached to Mojo. You have to see him. Long, lean, tall, with a huge head, roughly 14 Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-898007872003-02-26T17:07:00.000-06:002003-02-26T17:07:16.543-06:00I had another counseling session today. It was my second one with this counselor and she is awesome.
So I went back to counting calories yesterday - just couldn't deal with not knowing how much I was eating. Of course I was feeling guilty, defeated by ED (Eating Disorder, Evil Destroyer, Entity - Devil, or make up your own). I 'confessed' to her and she said, 'So?? What is the worst thing that Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-897714762003-02-26T06:11:00.000-06:002003-02-26T06:11:34.030-06:00I had a four day weekend and it was awesome. It was nice to have extra time with Bob and our two babies (for those of you who don't know - they're dogs), especially after a busy weekend. Thank you God...Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-896387052003-02-24T06:40:00.000-06:002003-02-24T06:40:00.903-06:00God is SO awesome!!!
There are so many decisions to be made and I was feeling rather sorry for myself this weekend. Physically I was hurting and I just wanted to stay in bed, but we helped a friend move, then worked in the yard for several hours Saturday. Sunday AM we worked in the yard again - had to finish because the wood chopper (can you say Fargo) we had rented is due back this morning and Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-895042482003-02-21T10:45:00.000-06:002003-02-21T21:32:45.000-06:00I often wonder why people are surprised when they hear that I have body image issues. Because I am not overweight they simply assume that this is not an issue for me. It always amazes me that people don't realize that in most cases distorted views of ones own body typically have nothing to do with how you look. Or how you think you look. Yet, despite having struggled for nearly 24 years with an Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-894917522003-02-21T06:05:00.000-06:002003-02-21T06:06:33.000-06:00Things I am grateful for (besides God)...
...my wonderful, loving, caring husband who despite my recent emotional and physical struggles is always patient. Thank you Honey, you are a such a blessing.
...our dogs - always happy, always ready to love, never resentful, and warm and schnuggly
...that I have a job (whether I like it or not!)
...The Salt Lick
...Dakota - the black lab I had for 6 1/2 Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-893944042003-02-19T17:17:00.000-06:002003-02-19T17:21:00.000-06:00What a day!
First confusion, struggle, and indecision.
Then a 'phone call' from God (don't ask).
Suddenly it all seemed clear.
I feel more calm now.
God is SO awesome.
I never want to go back to my life without Him.Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-893739212003-02-19T09:59:00.000-06:002003-02-19T10:15:45.000-06:00Facing decisions...
Several months ago I made a decision. I now wonder if it was the right thing to do.
I feel that the consequences of making that decision are causing my current struggle.
How does one really know what God's will is in any situation?
I admire people who start a sentence with, "God is leading me to...", "God called me to...",
"God spoke to me...", and so on. Do they really know?Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-893658662003-02-19T06:03:00.000-06:002003-02-19T06:03:29.370-06:00So this is about the 5th template I have chosen and I am still not happy.
This is pretty cool. Unfortunately I would rather stay here and 'mess' with my blog than go to work.
It also occurred to me that I am PARANOID about the way I write so what am I doing writing online?
Now I have to go although I would rather add links to my blog, make it look nicer, learn to code in html...Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5073011.post-893651642003-02-19T05:32:00.000-06:002003-02-19T06:00:30.000-06:00Hmmmm?
This is an interesting concept - journaling online.
All this started with me posing a question to Bob which he answered in asking if I would be willing to post something like this on a blog!?
Sure I would so here it goes. If you want to answer, send me an email. Let me know if I can publish it.
How do you obtain enough faith and trust in God, that there is no fear, no matter what?
When Kristinanoreply@blogger.com0